Seems like everybody’s talking these days about “finding your voice” and “speaking your truth”. Personally, I’ve never had a problem saying what’s on my mind. This has often been a problem for the people around me, which is probably one reason why some people think I’m dangerous.
I’m a passionate advocate of open, honest conversation — “daring dialogue” as I’ve recently heard it described. In support of this ideal I’d like to offer a few suggestions for finding and using your own authentic voice.
1.) Feed your mind to inform your voice. It’s important to consider the incubation conditions which will give birth to your authentic voice. Before inflicting your Truth on the world, ask yourself how you will generate an opinion worth going out on a limb for. Your ideas are the result of the integration of your experiences which includes everything you do, hear, see, feel, read, discuss and think. Your authentic voice is the expression of the resulting ideas.
At this point an old expression comes to mind, “Garbage in, garbage out,” which means whatever you put into your mind will come out in your words and actions. Having the confidence to speak your truth is the positive outcome of transforming that old expression into “Merit in, merit out” by choosing consciously what you spend your days experiencing.
For example, here are some experiences I chose yesterday which culminated in my authentic voice expressing through this post: I read one of my favorite blogs Peace & Projects: How to Be Heard in a Wild, Noisy World about “finding your voice.” Coincidentally, if you believe in coincidence (which I don’t), last night I was invited to attend an event, Honoring Women, Daring Dialogue, Real Conversations, hosted by Honoring Women Worldwide. Got me thinking about writing on this subject. On the way home I listened on my car radio to MPR’s The Story with Dick Gordon about The Queen of the Flowers. This touching tale reminded me of the importance of fully experiencing the mundane aspects of my daily life.
When I arrived home I discussed all this with Mr. C, further developing my ideas through conversation and feedback. Then, I jumped on Facebook and watched this video forwarded to me by my 5th grade niece — it made me laugh, reminding me that fun and humor are also crucial to the development of an authentic voice worth listening to:
2.) “Daring dialogue” is the goal — not a “daring monologue.” Once you find your voice, resist the temptation to use it to shut others up! Haven’t you seen this play out before? I’ve come to practically expect it when a new convert professes to have found his/her voice.
I remember the time a family member of mine escaped an abusive marriage, took a poetry class and wrote a poem about finding her voice. She was asked to read the poem at a large event to inspire other victims of domestic abuse. At that event she was joined onstage by her parents who held her hands, tearfully proclaiming their pride in her for speaking her truth. I commented on the irony that the very people who were supporting her onstage had abused me throughout my childhood, and still deny it ever happened. The family bard demanded that I cease my controversial comments which might “offend those who have actually been abused.”
Huh??!!… ‘Nuff said.
3.) You speak your truth whether you intend to or not — take conscious control. We should all be aware that it is impossible to express anything except one’s authentic truth. We can either express it consciously or we can do it passive-aggressively by default. Everything we say or do tells the world what we really think. The most important part of “speaking” your truth is what you put into your mind which will naturally lead to what comes out of your mouth.
This reminds me of a story told by Brenda Fong at Honoring Women, Daring Dialogue, Real Conversations:
Brenda moved to the U.S. from China when she was 18 years old. The “Minnesota Nice” woman who lived next door to Brenda’s new home invited Brenda and her husband over for dinner one night. At dinner this woman proudly proclaimed to Brenda, “I want you to know that I see you just like everybody else. I don’t see you as any different because of your nationality.” Brenda muttered to her husband in Chinese, “If she sees us just like everybody else then why did she have to tell us that?”
You alone possess your particular perspective on the world and finding your voice to express your truth can be an exhilarating process! For the best results in expressing yourself, continue to expand your point of view by wisely choosing the daily experiences which inform your personal truth. Develop and practice good listening skills and appreciation of other people’s perspectives, with varying points of view, not just your own. Be sure to listen to yourself and pay attention to the reactions of your audience to uncover truths you may be unconsciously conveying. A special note about “brutal honesty”: although it may feel powerfully cathartic to you in the fleeting moment, it’s often simply brutal to the receiver. Finally, never underestimate the value of throwing a flying turtle into the mix to make ‘em laugh!
Hey, now it’s your chance to SPEAK YOUR TRUTH! Tell me what’s on YOUR mind by commenting below!
.
PS: If the idea of this type of authentic communication appeals to you, then you may be interested in my new online community for writers and artists, Bloggerbrook, which is coming to Facebook in July 2012 — stay tuned for more information!
March 28th, 2011 - 6:22 pm
I have to ask…how did you end up with this career? I think you’re amazing and an inspiration to women everywhere.
You’ve definitely come a long way since high school. I’m glad we reconnected.
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March 29th, 2011 - 12:09 am
Sometimes I wish i could speak my voice in Chinese when confronted with “Minnesota Nice.”
I hope Brenda and her husband got a good laugh–or at least have some good ones now. I just want to know if someone does not see me as different, how do they know it’s me?
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March 28th, 2011 - 7:23 pm
BRAVO, Linda! Fantastic article – I especially love “feed your mind to inform your voice!” Yours is a translucence and transparency for which the world hungers. Your gifts are bold, authentic and powerful. I have bookmarked this site as a Favorite and you can be sure I will be spending lots of time on it to follow you and see what gems you’ll be offering next!
I appreciate you, Who You Are, and what you do. It’s such a significant contribution to our planet. From my heart to yours…
RJ Starr, Spiritual Director
The Waking Circle
http://wakingcircle.org
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March 28th, 2011 - 11:12 pm
Hi, Donna! –
Your compliment made my day! Thank you!
Two of the most important forces guiding my career path have been my PASSIONS and my AGGRAVATIONS …
Like you, I have a PASSION for the arts and personal creative expression. Throughout my life I keep moving toward that ideal. I am a writer, visual artist, and performing artist. This makes my life on planet Earth worth living!
One example of an AGGRAVATION that has influenced my career is that I have never been comfortable giving up my power to a boss who doesn’t necessarily have my (or my family’s) best interests as their highest priority. If I don’t put my family first, who will? I’ve continually moved away from that scenario. Thus, I am self-employed.
Finally, my SPIRITUAL PRACTICE is the center from which EVERYTHING else emanates. I’m grateful for serendipity and synchronicities along the way!
Most recently, I’ve taken the step to pull all of the knowledge together that I’ve gained through my personal experience to teach others who are interested in a more creative, independent and prosperous career and lifestyle for themselves. I’m very EXCITED about my current work as a Lifestyle Strategist!
Stay tuned — THE BEST IS YET TO COME!
love,
L2
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March 29th, 2011 - 2:29 am
@RJ — What wonderful praise! I admire your work and appreciate all you do! Thank YOU!!
@Clarence — as always, i LOVE your witty cynicism! your consistent support and sharing touches my heart! you’re “different” alright
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March 31st, 2011 - 4:05 pm
Thanks for attending HWW’s event on 3/24! It was great to meet you.
HWW’s next event is “Honor Your Health Through Your Spirituality” on 4/28. Visit the HWW website at http://www.honoringwomenworldwide.org for more information!
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July 7th, 2011 - 5:07 pm
many people speak voice of the masses. I get into conversations where all I get is talking points that I know the person heard on TV and then regurgitated from those who saw it. If you try and expand the conversation to include little things like facts, then they become agitated. If you try to point out a matter of law or the slippery slope then the conversation stops. Dialogue has given way to monologues that they hear and copy from on the TV
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July 7th, 2011 - 10:09 pm
@Jim — I know what you mean. That reminds me of this quote:
“We can be Knowledgeable with other men’s knowledge, but we cannot be wise with other men’s wisdom.” ~ Michel de Montaigne
Also, it’s well-known that most people only watch T.V. personalities and read authors who say what they already believe. That’s not a good way to learn something new but, rather, merely justifying what they already believe.
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July 9th, 2011 - 6:58 am
Can tell we are kindered spirits. Filled with passions and lots to say. My strength, only a few say my weakness, is my mind can absorb conversations, and analyse then in milliseconds, so i love a good debate, speak fast, listen hard, and never hold back. Never yet struggled to find my voice. Give me a soap box, and off i’ll go
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June 2nd, 2012 - 3:15 pm
I know that you know me well enough now that I don’t even have to say how important I think speaking one’s mind is. People often worry about what is being said but, they aren’t truly listening. Those are the people like your cousin, who try to quiet truth from being spoken. I know many of those myself. It’s gotten to the point now that when people have differing beliefs and speak openly about it, it no longer is a conversation but turns into some kind of disrespectful side show. (Know I don’t need to tell you that either.) Good for you and all those women who never lose their voices. Too often society likes to make sure that women don’t speak up about anything so they can keep them in line.
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June 2nd, 2012 - 3:46 pm
Great article, Linda! I really like what you said about what types of things we allow into our lives (garbage or merit) will definitely affect our voice and our perceptions. In reading some of the other comments, I was struck by the ones who mourned the lack of decent dialogue in this day and age between persons who have opposing views. It’s like everyone has an idea and theirs is the only correct one. They don’t listen, they don’t stretch themselves to understand and maybe gain perspective from another; they just want to be right. I’ve met quite a few on FB, and simply avoid them.
I try to be as authentic as possible in everything I write and say and do.
Okay, and the turtle made me LOL for real!
Thanks for sharing these marvelous thoughts with us.
Blessings!
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June 2nd, 2012 - 10:18 pm
Hi, Larry! ~
Didn’t see this comment from you until now when I re-posted this a year later! Since I know you better after all this time, I can see the truth in your words first hand
I do believe we are kindred spirits, of sorts, and I appreciate your dedication to personal empowerment — thank you for all that you are!
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June 2nd, 2012 - 11:10 pm
Hey, Wonderful post.
There are times, when people ask questions about themselves, like – “Do you think, I have lost weight?” or ” Do I look my age?”; “Aren’t my kids cute?”….well, it gets tough to answer truthfully. It is being polite and not intended in hurting the person’s sentiments.
But, when it comes to talking about oneself, the field is wide open.
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June 2nd, 2012 - 11:44 pm
The flying turtle – adorable!
Well, what a refreshing design, Bloggerbrook. It reminds me of friends gathering around the table for espressos or lattes and chatting like the best of friends -which, in the blogosphere, I find you to be Linda. I’m so grateful to have meant such a talented and creative soul.
Enjoyed the read here today. I’m big on being authentic, you know. It is indeed what we feed our mind on that we regurgitate. Our words and art are also only as good as our vision. Without a unique vision, only lackluster stuff is produced and everything seems trite. Wouldn’t you agree?
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June 3rd, 2012 - 1:31 am
I don’t think that a person who speaks her truth is dangerous, so you are not
What is dangerous is the way we say it. Some people “attack” with the truth, others “explain” the truth, and that is the full difference.
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June 3rd, 2012 - 8:02 am
I have found mine only recently after finally deciding to make a career move. My voice has been stifled by fear and insecurity. Maybe one could ask how could it be when we’ve championed causes for the poor and the rights of women and children. Maybe I have done so intellectually speaking but it has not grown deep roots because everything tired me so easily. We were the voice of the poor… we were teaching how it is to be poor but at the end of the day, I go back to my cozy room and sleep on a soft cushioned bed.
It was only when I started truly living and interacting with people that I understood what having my own voice meant. It wasn’t built only on lofty ideals and theology, but putting myself in the shoes of the needy and earning money through hard work.
Another thing is, in my culture (at least within my age group), we were trained to keep quiet and let our parents speak. I have been branded as disobedient because I started articulating my own needs and desires. Anyways, I have seen my parents’ wisdom and in more ways than one have tried to open a dialogue instead of just hearing one side
Your three points are very good. I should remember all of them
I never saw you as dangerous, far from it lovely lady. I see you as a strong minded person who empowers other people through your creativity.
I, too, am getting excited with Bloggerbrook Congratulations in advance
P.S. I thought that flying turtle has a cape
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June 3rd, 2012 - 10:45 am
Linda – Intriguing article…and very good as well. I know you as a very open and honest person, and never short of insight on a particular idea. Notice I didn’t say “opinion”. I say that because I have seen you instigate dialog for the sake of exposing ideas and ideals in tohers and it is one of the reasons I admire you.
“Brutal honesty”. Well, I historically see this practice as an excuse to be inappropriate or hurtful under the self-serving notion of “helping” others. Honesty, complete honesty, and open opposition do not require brutality.
Way back in early Greek there was (is) a word, “Poiesis” which originally was defined as a state where the thought one perceives, and that which they speak are the same. In other words, that which one thought and what they said in words did not get diluted or embellished in the process of forming speech from idea.
There are times when your honesty takes me back a bit. I do not take it personally, it makes me think. It makes me examine alternatives or ideas I may not have considered. It reminds me that although I may have a particular way of looking at things, I know what I don’t know, and fresh ideas help us all grow. In the end, I may still not agree with you, but I am happy for being stimulated into seeing something through someone else’s eyes (mind).
You are a good example and an inspiration.
Thank you,
Ron
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June 3rd, 2012 - 10:51 am
Being “brutally honest”, in my opinion is a gift and a blessing. Not even by how much it can change your world, but by how much it can change the world of others. I personally am not here to win a personality contest, I want to live my life as free as possible, especially after the oppression I have allowed in the past, honesty to self and others is the pathway to true freedom. Yes, educate yourself through various means, and never be afraid to change your opinion, that doesn’t make you hypocritical, but rather a growing honest person…<3
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June 3rd, 2012 - 11:27 am
Hi, Jenni! ~
I find this statement profound: “People often worry about what is being said but, they aren’t truly listening.” Right?
My answer to those people is, “If you already know exactly how this conversation should go, then why don’t you go have it with yourself? What do you need me for???”
Rock on, Jenni! I’m happy to be in your orbit ;-*
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June 3rd, 2012 - 11:42 am
Hi, Martha! ~
I appreciate your authenticity — So refreshing!
Your comment reminds me of something I was discussing with Mr. C yesterday. Basically, if one keeps a tidy mind then they won’t have to watch every word that comes out of their mouth. This ‘way of being’ actually encourages spontaneous, or ‘daring’, dialogue and authentic communication.
In other words, I can’t imagine a situation where YOU would lose your temper and suddenly say something to me that would make me question who I thought your were. That is the test of ‘merit in, merit out’ and true authenticity of character. I may not always agree with you, but I feel I can believe in you.
Thank you for all that you are — I value your wisdom and friendship XOXOX
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June 4th, 2012 - 1:51 am
Hi, Janaki! ~
Your ‘example questions’ crack me up!
Why would anyone ask, “Do you think, I have lost weight?” Can’t they just weigh themselves and determine the answer??? hah!
I think virtually all kids are cute, but not necessarily in the same way their doting parents think they are cute — when parents ask such a thing it their attractiveness which comes into question in my mind more than that of their offspring…
And my favorite, “Do I look my age?” Geeze Louise!!!!!
Personally, I have no problem answering ALL these questions truthfully by saying, “WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS? What is the real issue here?”
So, this brings us to the heart of authentic self-expression and communication: it’s not about superficial conversation. It’s about getting to the real issue(s). Some people don’t like that and they will not be in my orbit for very long. That’s fine with me because I won’t be on this planet long enough to justify wasting my time with meaningless, trifling trivia.
Thank you for visiting and sharing — you make me smile! XOXO
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June 4th, 2012 - 3:32 am
Indeed very nicely explained and I really appreciated your candid personality Linda. Its such a relief from fakesters hovering around.
Love
Mani
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June 4th, 2012 - 7:50 am
Bravo. Brava. Manificoooo.
I’ve always believe that the ONLY way to be completley and utterly authentic is to tell your “TRUTH.”
& You cannot give a damn what others think.
As Anne Lamott says, “I write as if everybody I know is already dead.”
Great Post, Linda. X
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June 5th, 2012 - 6:59 am
Hi, Debra! ~
YaY for The Flying Turtle!
You’re really onto something with your description of Bloggerbrook — I think for some it will be a virtual coffee shop, for others a virtual cafe for a glass of wine, and still for others it will be like talking over the garden fence or like a playdate with other parents of young children…
As far as this: “Our words and art are also only as good as our vision. Without a unique vision, only lackluster stuff is produced and everything seems trite. Wouldn’t you agree?”
My answer is a resounding, “Yes!” And that is the perfect segue to my upcoming post about writing one’s mission statement, which is a powerful visioning tool and also a ticket to Bloggerbrook — thank you for setting me up
XOXOXO
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June 5th, 2012 - 7:05 am
Hi, Nikky! ~
I appreciate you stopping by today!
Hmmmm…If the difference between ‘dangerous’ or ‘loving’ Truth is all in the delivery then why do some people consider me to be one and some people consider me to be the other simultaneously?
I think the difference between ‘dangerous’ and ‘loving’ Truth is in the intention and that’s something we can each only decide for ourselves. It’s not my job to determine what someone else’s intention is/was. That’s where many people run amok, IMO.
Great conversation — Thank you for participating! XO
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June 5th, 2012 - 7:40 am
Good morning Linda,
Finding one’s voice. I love it. My novel, Cosette’s Tribe is about a young girl finding her voice. I have found different levels of my voice as I move through life. After my mother died I was so angry at the medical community for abandoning her that I became a ferocious advocate for my family and friends spouting off my truths without the use of a filter. I embarrassed my kids. Since then I have softened my voice. That anger has subsided.
My voice changes as my wisdom grows…or diminishes. We’re a complex lot, ever learning and growing in light and love.
I can’t wait until July Linda when your community is launched. You have so much to share and a very distinct voice.
Love!
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June 5th, 2012 - 9:09 am
Great points Linda. I see the problem being that we as a people are getting way to sensitive, about what we hear!! Seems like if our “friend” says something we don’t agree with then there gone!! We cannot seem to see the other persons point of view or at least their right to have it!!! Great thought provoking post Linda, Thanks
http://jpweddingphotograpy.blogspot.com/2012/06/few-videos-of-anna-and-brians-wedding.html
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June 6th, 2012 - 2:51 pm
Hi, Melissa! ~
Congratulations on your BIG CAREER MOVE!
I agree with you that ‘standing up for’ a cause is not the same as ‘walking the walk’ — this is a profound insight missed by many! One reason I admire YOU so much — You get to the heart of ‘philosophies’ and will not settle for the superficial treatment of such lofty ideals.
Personally, I have a little different take on this. Rather than experiencing what the poor endure so that I can ‘walk my talk’ I practically need to force myself each day to stretch into experiencing what the wealthy and well-adjusted endure so I can stop villainizing them, entrapping me in the mentality that I must be ‘poor to be pure’ which I adopted early in life.
I think this is good example that we all came to Planet Earth to learn different things, even from seemingly similar experiences. All the more reason why cultivating one’s authentic individual voice is so powerful — THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOURS!!!
PS Flying Turtle would look AMAZING with a cape! XOXOX
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June 6th, 2012 - 3:14 pm
Hi, Ron! ~
Thank you for your compliments!
Your descriptions of me always make me sound so great, which I must admit makes me a little suspicious — haha! I guess my issues might be showing…
On the subject of ‘brutal honesty’ I have mixed feelings. I notice that Jan’s comment, immediately following yours on this thread, represents the opposite viewpoint from yours. I can truly appreciate both perspectives and I appreciate the thoughtful dialogue about this touchy subject.
Some of the best learning moments I’ve ever been gifted in this lifetime have resulted from the ‘brutal honesty’ of others. There’s a bit of a paradox here, because none of those persons are/were smart enough to know what they were teaching me when they inflicted their brutal comments which became the catalyst for my learning and empowerment. One of the most important lessons I am usually reminded of in such cases is the true meaning of this:
“Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you.” ~ Matthew 7:6
I really appreciate the depth of conversation we share at times like this, Ron. I’m grateful for these opportunities to get to know you better — Thank you for all that you are! XOXO
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June 6th, 2012 - 3:24 pm
Hi, Jan! ~
Thank YOU for stopping by to weigh in on this somewhat controversial subject. I hope you will take a moment to read my response to Ron (above) because it also specifically addresses your statement concerning ‘brutal honesty’.
I am 100% on-board this Jan Bandwagon: “I personally am not here to win a personality contest, I want to live my life as free as possible, especially after the oppression I have allowed in the past, honesty to self and others is the pathway to true freedom.”
That statement gives me God-bumps all over! I want to throw my arms around you and give you a huge cyber-hug! I know you’re not here for a personality contest, but, paradoxically, you’re looking pretty darn good in that suit of authenticity you’re wearing! XOXOXO
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June 6th, 2012 - 4:39 pm
Yep… what you said!
I spent a large portion of my life thinking about how to be right. what I was going to say next. about this. about that and I missed out… thank goodness for the day, I “coincidentally” bumped inTO a situation and it changed/altered/impacted my entire world!
I like to say that at some point in my life I Mal-adjusted, Re-adjusted and then Well-adjusted socially and emotionally… I require an open mind to operate properly… lol
Laughing is so darn important.
My most favorite quote:
There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance – that principle is contempt prior to investigation” Herbert Spencer
love.love.love… “Feed your mind to inform your voice.”
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June 6th, 2012 - 5:50 pm
Hey, you’re not dangerous. You’re just uber-cool. Being honest and authentic is the most important thing ever, but that’s just IMO of course.
I liked your points. “Offend those who have actually been abused”, seriously? Abused people don’t divide in being ‘actually’ or ‘not really’ abused. Abuse is abuse any way you put it.
Great article, Linda. I will be back.
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June 6th, 2012 - 6:00 pm
Linda, this is quite the conversation thread, and I have loved reading through the comments. Finding our true voice, and our willingness to express it, is, for many, a long and arduous journey. It was for me . . .
With regards to my previous comment, I want you to know that my expressions emerge from years of growth in spite of constant attempts from family and friends to squash and silence me. My teens and twenties were not pleasant as I believed what I was told, not seeking who I truly am. It has taken a long time to learn that pleasing people just for the sake of pleasing them is so wrong and, ultimately, self-destructive. And, in the long run, not helpful to them either.
I am a work in progress. My voice is more sure, day after day. I strive to say what I mean and mean what I say. Always!
With God’s help, I will.
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June 6th, 2012 - 7:45 pm
I’m sort of a fan of the speaking truth in love concept, although that phrase is a bit hokey. I am not a fan of brutal honesty because it’s, well, brutal. Now, having said that, I should be just as quick to say that people sometimes find me somewhat difficult to talk to. I can be abrupt, insensitive, and too much on the no bulls–t side of things for some folks’ comfort. As I get older, though, I find that kindness and compassion sometimes take the sharp edge off. Kindness and compassion are not the same thing as being silenced or being self-destructive, which gets us back to that truth in love idea. Thought provoking post! Truth is often seen as dangerous to those who fear the light.
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June 6th, 2012 - 9:50 pm
Nicely done! If you don’t speak the truth then you are only fooling oneself.
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June 7th, 2012 - 2:10 am
Oh, damn you, Linda! Your blog makes me feel that everything I write is crap. And that is my authentic voice speaking. Great post!
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June 7th, 2012 - 7:13 am
I liked this article very much. Sometimes honesty is necessary as an act of surgery though it may be hurtful.
-Portia
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June 8th, 2012 - 1:33 pm
I never understood the need to be anything but honest. I never understood dating when I was younger and all the games that go on between couples – such a waste of time. Why not say what you feel and want and get on with life. Sadly, this isn’t always how it works. Same in the professional world – OMG, did I learn the hard way. Think but keep it to yourself. Over the years I took a few hits, but eventually acquired the savvy, to know when ‘show ‘em, and when to fold ‘em’. Being authentic isn’t easy,you gotta want it and be willing to live it, through the good and the bad, the dark and the bright. Not everyone is comfortable around authentic.. I could go on and on, but…
You captured the feeling of being ‘who you are’, perfectly. Being honest – ‘Fifty Shades of Gray’ is a good analogy about honesty. Do I always say what’s on my mind? No. Will I answer truthfully all the time? To this question, I ask, what is truthful? I speak from my heart, which isn’t always free of conflict and emotion. I answer in the moment with as little gray as possible.
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June 9th, 2012 - 1:13 am
I’ve copied these three points to put on the board in front of my computer, Linda. The one that struck me the most was the ‘feed your mind to inform your voice’. This is going to set me off on a long reflection and I’m grateful to you for that. ♥
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June 9th, 2012 - 8:48 am
Welcome, Mani & Kim! So HAPPY to have you join the conversation!
@Mani: Your words are like a soothing balm for my weary brain. I’m coming to realize the real reason most people are not authentic is because it’s alot of work — haha! But, seriously… Thank you for your kind words! XO
@Kim aka My Inner Chick: Of course, I’m preaching to the choir on this one with the likes of YOU — I was drawn to you immediately for this reason! I love the Anne Lamott quote and I’m going to make it my FB status right now! Thank you so much for stopping by to cheer me on — I appreciate your loving support! ;-*
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June 9th, 2012 - 9:44 am
Hi, Leah! ~
I’m enjoying Cosette’s Tribe very much — when you describe the story “about a young girl finding her voice” it makes perfect sense, right? Certainly, the child within me relates to Cossette’s struggle to find the right balance between what to say out loud and what to keep inside her head…
I, too, have sometimes ‘softened my voice’ so as not to embarrass my kids. I think they’re the only ones I would have done that for and I’m still uneasy about the results in those particular cases. Although, after all these years it was my oldest son who talked me into starting a blog by telling me I have a unique voice which should be heard…ironic…
I appreciate your voice in all its varied forms, and I’m truly grateful for your loving acceptance and encouragement of my own. Thank you! XOXOX
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June 9th, 2012 - 10:20 am
Hi, Jim! ~
Interesting point: “…the problem being that we as a people are getting way to sensitive, about what we hear!! Seems like if our “friend” says something we don’t agree with then there gone!!”
I’m not sure how to respond. Personally, I’m more likely than ever to end a relationship abruptly when someone suggests they know how I should think, feel or behave better than I, myself, do. That’s where I draw the line.
This happened recently with a “friend” and she accused me of being overly-sensitive to her criticism and unwilling to work things out. My feeling is that I’m wasting my time in such a relationship when I could be putting my energy into getting to know someone who actually respects my right to be myself.
I wonder if you have any specific ‘relationship deal breakers’? I’ve never witnessed you in a conflict with anyone and you seem pretty darn easy going…
Thank you for stopping by and joining the conversation! I’m on my way to get me a beautiful photography fix on your site, too
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June 9th, 2012 - 10:28 am
Great post, Linda!
I had a difficult time finding my voice growing up because I felt like I had to please everybody. So I imitated the “voice” of those who people admired. Plus I was raised in a culture where speaking up is often misconstrued for being disrespectful, most especially when talking to my elders.
I am still in the process of finding my own voice. And yes you are absolutely right with what you said on #2… I am guilty of a “daring dialogue.” I am also learning to be more receptive to other people’s voices, most especially those who speak words of wisdom. I am also trying my best to open my ears to what everyone has to say even if they don’t necessarily agree with me just to hear about a perspective different from my own.
Thank you for the post, Linda. I always take your words as a form of advice. I am leaving your blog enlightened once again. God bless <3
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June 9th, 2012 - 10:28 am
I am guilty of a “daring monologue” instead of “daring dialogue…
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June 10th, 2012 - 4:57 pm
Hi, Amy! ~
Love this: “I like to say that at some point in my life I Mal-adjusted, Re-adjusted and then Well-adjusted socially and emotionally…”
I’m not sure I’m ‘well-adjusted’ even still, but I’m working at it — hah! Feeding my brain helps. Having conversations like this one helps. And having friends I admire, like you, who value authenticity and transparency as much as I do helps ALOT!
In the past couple days, I’ve had a powerful epiphany about candor which I will share in my upcoming post — you’re gonna love it! Stay tuned ;-*
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June 10th, 2012 - 5:04 pm
Hi, Dave! ~
Flattery will get you everywhere with me (it doesn’t work for everyone, but I have a soft spot in my heart for YOU!) You are such a sweet, sensitive and authentic person — I’m grateful that you reached out to me across the cyber-world so we could get to know each other! Thank you for all that you are!!! XO
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June 10th, 2012 - 5:13 pm
Hi, (again) Miss Martha! ~
I love that you returned to continue the conversation!
This point is profound: “…pleasing people just for the sake of pleasing them is so wrong and, ultimately, self-destructive. And, in the long run, not helpful to them either.”
Because I speak my mind authentically, I have often been accused of selfishness. The point, as you so beautifully stated, is that it’s not ‘selfish’ to communicate authentically, it is the healthiest, kindest and most wholesome way to communicate! Lack of candor actually undermines trust which erodes healthy relationships and a healthy society.
Thank you for all you do to bring the wonder of YOU into the world — we are all the richer for your efforts! XOXOX
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June 10th, 2012 - 5:46 pm
Linda, your kind words touched me deeply. Thank you, dear friend!
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June 11th, 2012 - 9:46 am
HI, Galen! ~
I’m intrigued by this: “…people sometimes find me somewhat difficult to talk to. I can be abrupt, insensitive, and too much on the no bulls–t side of things for some folks’ comfort.” I have not experienced this with you, but I will look forward to a personal demonstration soon — hehe!
Also, I just became aware that the word ‘candor’ comes from Latin candor, from candēre to be white, shine which ties in nicely with your closing remark:
“Truth is often seen as dangerous to those who fear the light.”
Thank you for visiting and sharing your ‘pearls’ of wisdom!!
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June 11th, 2012 - 9:54 am
Hi, Cathy, Linda & Portia! ~ Thank you so much for visiting and jumping into the conversation — Your voice makes a difference in my world!
@Cathy: “If you don’t speak the truth then you are only fooling oneself.” Couldn’t have said it better myself
@Linda: It was such a nice surprise to see you here — you ALWAYS bring a smile to my face! XOXO
@Portia: I agree that ‘sometimes honesty is necessary as an act of surgery’, but usually it is an act of surgery on oneself, right? Great metaphor, and I would expect nothing less from a talented poet like you ;-*
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June 11th, 2012 - 4:54 pm
Well-adjusted in the sense of “more than” before when I wasn’t well-adjusted! bahahaha ~I sorta understand what I just typed…
I’ve been working A L O T on honesty and speaking my truth… letting go of past shame and pain, freeing up space that allows, makes it okay, whatever it is, I’m feeling empowered to speak truthfully; I haven’t fully absorbed this yet! I resemble transparency more now that ever before… and it feels good! I fell in the Chronic Liar category <— it isn't as painful to admit that now.
I find it more than okay to share with you… I think that is so cool and odd… not odd in a bad way, maybe different is a better word. I value our discussions and I agree with you, these conversations REALLY help me.
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June 11th, 2012 - 9:11 pm
I definitely speak my mind..but I do try to only do it in a respectful way. I, too, enjoy open and honest dialogues and oftentimes engage in those with others that don’t share my view-sometimes that’s the most fun kind of conversation. It gives you a chance to test your own theories and learn and grow while perhaps offering the other a glimpse into a new perspective.
Great tips and reflections.
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June 13th, 2012 - 4:33 pm
Hi, Brenda! ~
Don’t even get me started on lack of authenticity in the dating world — haha! I’d be happiest if I NEVER have to go through that experience again…
Personally, I’ve never been able to muster what it takes to tone down my authenticity at work either, which is probably why I work for myself. I felt very affirmed recently upon reading in “Winning” by Jack Welch, former CEO of General Electric, that he considers lack of candor to be the ‘biggest dirty little secret in business.’ Yeah dat!
This kind of reflection is what I love, love, love about YOU: “Do I always say what’s on my mind? No. Will I answer truthfully all the time? To this question, I ask, what is truthful? I speak from my heart, which isn’t always free of conflict and emotion. I answer in the moment with as little gray as possible.”
And this quote sums up the reality of the situation: “Being authentic isn’t easy,you gotta want it and be willing to live it, through the good and the bad, the dark and the bright.”
Brenda, I’m very grateful for personal access to YOU! Thank you for stopping by and sharing! And THANK YOU for all that YOU are!!! XOXO
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June 13th, 2012 - 4:56 pm
Hi, Corinne! ~
Thank you for visiting and sharing your POV…
Also, thank you for being my friend and participating in an authentic relationship where we hold each other accountable to ‘walking our talk’ in a loving and assertive fashion.
“How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one finds darkness not only in one’s culture but within oneself? There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.” ~ Barry Lopez, Arctic Dreams
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June 13th, 2012 - 11:19 pm
Obviously I LOVE the turtle video. I really enjoyed the practical tips in your post too. I sometimes doubt if I’m using my authentic voice although I’ve always felt I spoke my mind. It’s a strange thought…
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June 14th, 2012 - 6:57 pm
Hi, Irene! ~
I must admit, I haven’t found the culture which escapes this reality: “…I was raised in a culture where speaking up is often misconstrued for being disrespectful, most especially when talking to my elders.”
Sometimes, I get the feeling from friends around the world that they believe the U.S. is different in this way — I assure you that is NOT the case! haha!
You make a good point about kids imitating the voice(s) of people they admire as a way to test the waters. I think that’s pretty common, maybe even normal. But, eventually, we need to strike out on our own, right?
Good luck finding and expressing your own authentic voice — it is a life long process!
XOXOXOX
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June 14th, 2012 - 7:18 pm
Hi, Jessica! ~
I truly enjoy the way you often share your sense of adventure when it comes to exploring different points of view — it’s one of the first things that attracted me to you.
It takes all types to make up the world, right? And, it’s not my job to tell others how to act or express themselves. Everybody gets to be themselves and then I get to decide if I want to hang out with them based on how/who they decide to be.
Thank you for visiting and sharing your wisdom and THANK YOU for all that you are!!!
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June 15th, 2012 - 1:04 am
Linda, that is about the kindest thing anyone has ever said. I thank you kindly. As you know, I was raised by wolves and gypsies, and because of this strange upbringing I stumble with compliments. The writer in me tingles and I get all Sally Field like … you like me, you really do…. But the half gypsy -wolf halves shake, circle and circle, wondering how to react. In the end, we settle on a humble thank from the bottom of all our hearts.
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June 15th, 2012 - 5:17 am
I find this an interesting forum in which to discuss ‘finding your voice’ and ‘being brutally honest’, simply becasue these days it seems so much easier to vent an opinion via a blog or social media presense when if you met the person in ‘real life’ you may well keep your opinion to yourself in order to conform to social niceties.
Maybe the growth in virtual worlds is giving people back the voice that a politically correct real world gone mad hd taken away?
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June 16th, 2012 - 9:49 am
Hi, Rachel! ~
Oh, so glad I could turn you onto ‘The Flying Turtle’ — haha!
I’m intrigued by your comment: “I sometimes doubt if I’m using my authentic voice although I’ve always felt I spoke my mind.”
What does it mean??? XOXO
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June 16th, 2012 - 10:13 am
Hi, Lucy! ~
You bring up an interesting point about the freedom some people feel to express themselves online. I’ve noticed that’s more likely to happen when they write anonymously or under a pseudonym …
My take on it is that many people are more willing to ‘go wide’ online, meaning they vent in front of more people, but they still aren’t willing to ‘go deep’ which is where authenticity resides.
Thank you for adding your thoughtful and thought-provoking ideas to the conversation! XOXO
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June 16th, 2012 - 10:30 am
I love your analogy! I would like to think that I was able to go wide and deep both online and in ‘real life’. I think it just takes a person to reach a point where they are content and confident in their own skin and can convey their opinion without the need for arrogance. Authenticity rules! lol
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September 14th, 2012 - 3:32 pm
Hi Linda,
Well……it’s taken me a few years of gathering strength, but I have found my voice and am speaking truth. It’s a bit nerve wracking to be sure, because of the pressure to not speak truth, but I’m continuing to put it out there anyhow!
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