It’s Thanksgiving and I can’t help but notice how different my life is from last year at this time. I’m so amazingly grateful for the improvements in my daily experience! In celebration, I am re-posting this piece from one year ago and wishing Dr. Mini-Evil, and meanies of his ilk, a very happy holiday wherever they are. And thank God they’re bothering somebody else instead of me –- let the fun & feasting begin!
There’s a certain mean, hyper-critical, two-faced, back-stabbing personality type that I can’t seem to avoid running into over and over again in my life. My Spiritual Teacher tells me it’s because “… we often attract people who are like the parent we had the most difficulty with …”
Personally, I’ve found both my parents equally difficult in different ways. The personality type above, however, best describes my Mom.
So, there’s this person I have to deal with regularly who reminds me so much of my Mom! I can’t stand this person! Sure he’s mean but that doesn’t really explain why I feel this level of animosity toward him. For now, let’s call him Dr. Mini-Evil …
Here’s the rub — according to my Spiritual Teacher, this guy is “mirroring” (for me) something I hate about myself and he will only stop bugging me when I figure out what that something is and fix it within myself.
The way this works, spiritually speaking, is that if I don’t repair the problem within myself then even if I get rid of this person the same personality type will return in the form of a different person, could be a man or a woman, over and over again until I address that broken part of me that’s attracting this.
I’ve been mulling this over and praying about it and today I opened A Course In Miracles at random (page 199) and read, “Conflict is the root of all evil, for being blind it does not see whom it attacks. Yet it always attacks the Son of God, and the Son of God is you.”
That was meaningful for me because you know who this conflict between myself and this mean person is really hurting? ME! Get it? I’m MAD and it’s hurting ME! Sheesh!
This is where the mirroring comes in. I think I still harbor a deep-seated belief, instilled in me by my parents, that I’m not OK and I will never fit in or be successful in the world because I’m too different from everybody else. I refuse to conform to the status quo.
Even though I fight against this belief with all my might and try to “prove them wrong,” literally and figuratively, somewhere deep inside I bought into this crazy idea. That’s what this person is mirroring to me, my own fears of inadequacy.
Otherwise, I would not be so bothered by Dr. Mini-Evil’s attitude, right? I’d shrug it off like I do when someone says something I absolutely know to be untrue like my name is Heather or I’m an alien.
Whether I look at it from a spiritual or a psychological perspective the Truth is apparent to me — as Carl Jung said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
My boyfriend, Mr. C., sent me this lovely video today which speaks of life and learning. In particular the phrase that jumps out at me is, “I touch lives every day not because it earns me respect in others’ eyes but because it does that in my own.”
In the end, I need to deal with Dr. Mini-Evil in a respectful way, not because he deserves it but because that’s who I want to be. And that’s what works in the long run.
Healing myself, not blaming the mirror, is the key to living the life of my dreams.