What would you do if you found yourself in this situation: You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. How do you extricate yourself from this dangerous situation?
The answer is: Get off the merry-go-round!
Do you sense another deep life lesson is about to be drawn from this seemingly silly drinking joke? If so, you’re getting to know me too well…
It’s time to make New Year’s resolutions and many of us are resolving to outrun the ‘elephant’ in our life, or catch the galloping ‘kangaroo’, or escape the ‘lion’, when what we really need to do to improve our situation is change our perceptions of the ride we call ‘life’ and get off the merry-go-round. There are plenty of other rides to choose from.
In other words, at this or any other time of year, many people seem to focus on trying to make life better by losing weight, getting a better job, finding a better partner, or ______ (fill in the blank). What if we try imagining a new perspective instead?
For example, we all know people who constantly talk about how ‘unfair’ life is because of their socio-economic status, race, gender or whatever. Of course, they are living proof that their world view is correct and, indeed, they are continually oppressed — perpetually depressed and depressing. In every case I can point to others of similar circumstances who believe they can be happy and successful in life without interference from negative outside forces and they constantly prove their belief system to be true, also. I’m not here to tell you who’s right or wrong in this debate, but I can tell you whose experience I would prefer to have. It comes down to the old adage, “Would you rather be right or happy?”
Another example most people will recognize is the abundance of women who incessantly criticize men (and vise versa, of course). “There are no good men in the world!” is their constant complaint. Guess what? They’re right! But, what they don’t acknowledge is that their ‘truth’ is limited to their own personal experience and interpretation! They continually attract and spend time with men who treat them badly. It’s unfortunate, but, hey, they have the consolation of proving again they are right. I wonder if happiness is even an option for them?
This brings to mind one of my favorite excerpts from one of my favorite books As A Man Thinketh by James Allen:
“It is pleasing to human vanity to believe that one suffers because of one’s virtue; but not until a man has extirpated every sickly, bitter, and impure thought from his mind, and washed every sinful stain from his soul, can he be in a position to know and declare that his sufferings are the result of his good, and not of his bad qualities; and on the way to, yet long before he has reached, that supreme perfection, he will have found, working in his mind and life, the Great Law which is absolutely just, and which cannot, therefore, give good for evil, evil for good. Possessed of such knowledge, he will then know, looking back upon his past ignorance and blindness, that his life is, and always was, justly ordered, and that all his past experiences, good and bad, were the equitable outworking of his evolving, yet unevolved self….
“…Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction. It is an indication that the individual is out of harmony with himself, with the Law of his being.”
This New Year I resolve, as I do every year, to open my mind even further to understanding how I create my reality with my own perceptions. Where do I still hold a little inkling that the words ‘starving’ and ‘artist’ go together, thus perpetuating anything less than complete financial freedom? Where do I feel unsure of myself and create situations where I need to ‘defend’ my point of view against an oppressive & judgmental ‘other’? Where do I hold even miniscule prejudices about age, health and beauty which undermine my total freedom to express in a body that has unlimited potential?
How about you? Will you resolve to deal with the elephant, the kangaroo, and the lion this year? Or will you change your mind completely and get off the merry-go-round?
December 28th, 2011 - 9:02 pm
True we wrote on the same subject…how weird is that! To criticize others is a quality we all have BUT how many of us would turn that criticism inwards and see?
I would rather make mistakes and be happy than being right… I am afraid i would become loss or bored if I was right most of the time…
I have no New Years resolution.. This time I would rather be the river that flows….
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December 28th, 2011 - 9:37 pm
Hi, Savy! –
I agree with you that ‘I would rather make mistakes and be happy than being right’, which is what happens when we keep trying new things and growing. You are the Princess Poster-Child of that movement — one of your most endearing qualities!
A sense of humor helps, too, which is also a charming quality of yours!
Happy New Year, Savira! XOXOX
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December 28th, 2011 - 11:54 pm
Wow, hadn’t heard that joke. Good one. I’m speaking as someone who is trying to focus on the positive while dealing with direct nuclear bombs detonating in front of me placed there by people I must interact because of my “life situation.” Sometimes it’s difficult to get off the rollercoaster I mean merry-go-round when we feel strapped in. At times, we manage to use our magic powers, slip out of the harnesses, and then, whamo! Back in. We can get very, very tired in the process. However, I love this philosophy of life (it is Sav’s, too) and I am all for changing outfits in the New Year. I need more color in my life (the good kind) :-). Plus, appreciating all of the great stuff in our lives helps when we start to feel motion sick ;-).
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December 29th, 2011 - 12:07 am
Hi, Pamela! –
Yes, the roller coaster is another choice of a ride. So are those swings that go up into the air. Everybody gets to choose the ride they want
Sometimes it doesn’t feel like a ‘choice’, but when we look back later we can usually see that we had more choices than we realized at the time — if we open our minds to the possibility of seeing this.
My hope for this post is that a few people will read it and be inspired to conduct a ‘scientific experiment’ of seeing what happens when they change their minds to change their lives, instead of feeling victimized by the things going on around them.
Thank you for joining this important discussion! I value your ideas ;-x
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December 29th, 2011 - 12:15 am
Yes, ha-ha. The damn swings. Your posts always spark contemplation and, in many cases, ACTion, so here’s to a slower paced ride
I would hope people would be inspired after reading this post. Don’t see how they can’t. Unless they are the “in one ear and out the other” type people ;-).
I’m honored to participate.
xo
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December 29th, 2011 - 12:33 am
@Pamela: How about the Fun House??? http://youtu.be/Jdjtqu3XK4U
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December 29th, 2011 - 12:47 am
Linda thank you for your response….Humor has always been my anchor…It helps to pave the way for when the hurt or disappointments sets in.
How long we choose to stay on the merry go round…roller coaster of life is up to us…
Personally I have been that mice in a cage running in circles because it was what I knew and was used to…It is taking that… giant leap off the the merry go round that requires effort and Pamela the first time is always tough but then it gets better…. and then before you know it you will see it before you step back on…
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December 29th, 2011 - 1:41 am
This is soo true. Nice post.
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December 29th, 2011 - 4:43 am
I do NOT want to be on the merry-go-round and would much rather be happy than right. What a great inspirational post for the new year, Linda!
Blessings to you always!
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December 29th, 2011 - 6:09 am
Readjusting is a painful process, but most of us need it at one time or another…and I certainly don’t want to be on the merry-go-round.Letting go or moving on doesn’t mean giving up… it means moving on. It is one of the hardest things a person can do. Starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. We feel that letting go is giving up, quitting, and that as we all know is cowardly. But as we grow older we are forced to change our way of thinking. We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things that cannot be. It means maturing and moving on, no matter how hard you have to fight yourself to do so…And that is what I intent to do this year…Thank you for this awesome post Linda…
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December 29th, 2011 - 7:26 am
Linda, what a wonderful post! It seems that resolutions are the hot topic this week and all that I have read so far have been interesting.
My resolutions have never been ‘set in stone’, so to speak. I guess I could say that I am ever-evolving. When I read your scenario, I get a completely different image in my mind. The cliff and elephant are there to keep me focused; to steady me straight forward so that I don’t get distracted, the lion behind me to keep me motivated and moving forward, and the kangaroo would be my challenges in life; keeping me inspired to overcome and prosper.
I hope that you have a Happy New Year and that it is filled with love, happiness, health and inspiration
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December 29th, 2011 - 9:57 am
Fantastic Post! Lots of food for thought especially since getting off the merry-go-around. Swings do not appeal as that implies some real highs and lows….been there – done that. The fun house idea sound interesting. So, how about just leaving the amusement park and find a nice sailboat and allow the winds and currents to take us to new unexplored opportunities.
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December 29th, 2011 - 11:07 am
I don’t see the point in making lists (as you described above) which you already know. Life is fluid and we’re constantly having to make new choices as the world around us continues to spin. I do believe in regular check ins with myself, but my list is always about what’s going on inside. They only true resolution, which isn’t really one, is to continue writing. Wonderful-wonderful post, Linda. You gave this tired old topic a fresh coat of paint. Have a good new year, wishing you continued inspiration.
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December 29th, 2011 - 11:11 am
@Savy: Good advice, “It is taking that giant leap off the merry go round that requires effort and Pamela the first time is always tough but then it gets better…. ”
And, the reason it’s ‘tough’ is because of what we imagine will happen! It’s all a crazy mind game — like those fun house mirrors which distort everything! It’s funny when we know it’s a distortion but it’s scary if we don’t understand that, right?
Thanks for stopping back — I appreciate you sharing your wisdom!
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December 29th, 2011 - 11:13 am
@Janaki: Happy New Year! Thank you for visiting
@Martha: Thank you for your kind words — New Year’s blessings to YOU! XO
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December 29th, 2011 - 11:33 am
Dear Alpana,
I know what you mean about, “Readjusting is a painful process…”
As I responded to Savy, above, it’s ‘tough’ or ‘painful’ because of the negative things we imagine will happen! I have found the more practice I get, the less painful it becomes, because those ‘readjustments’ have ALWAYS turned out to offer a more positive experience in the end than the illusion I was previously afraid to let go of
Also, I would like to highlight your very powerful point: “Starting at birth, we grasp on to anything we can get our hands on, and hold on as if we will cease to exist when we let go. We feel that letting go is giving up, quitting …We are forced to realize that letting go means accepting things…It means maturing and moving on…”
You’ve got it, Alpana! Holding you in my heart as you fulfill your destiny! XOXOX
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December 29th, 2011 - 11:52 am
Hi, Mary! –
YaY for ‘Ever-Evolving’!!! I’m right there with you, Sistah!
Love your interpretation of the merry-go-round metaphor! The way you describe it sounds stable and consistent, instead of oppressive and scary. The key is choosing the ride you like rather than feeling victimized — well done
Happy New Year to YOU! Give our friends, Anna & Bongo, BIG HUGs from me! XOXO
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December 29th, 2011 - 11:52 am
I find that I hop off the Merry-go-round even leave the park, to wonder in the glorious sun then suddenly I am back on the ride. What I will attempt this year as every year, is to focus on the positive blessings I have in my life. Sometimes things being what they are, it is out of my control what happens, it is not out of my control how I react to them. I love life, I love everything about it, the dark times teach me to appreciate the bright and sunny days even more. Choices I make today, have an effect on who I am tomorrow. The more coping skills I learn today, make for a better reaction for tomorrow as well. I love my family, I won’t give up on any of them, but at the same time I will continue to put my marriage and I first, which is what makes me happy.
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December 29th, 2011 - 12:11 pm
Hi, Jim! –
I love your idea to leave the amusement park behind for ‘a nice sailboat and allow the winds and currents to take us to new unexplored opportunities…’
Way to think expansively — that’s how we break out of our small, pre-conceived versions of reality, right? I love that about YOU!
Thank you for stopping by to say “Hi!” and for sharing my post on FB!
Happy, HAPPY NEW YEAR, My Friend!!! XOXOX
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December 29th, 2011 - 2:08 pm
Wow, Linda, this is a great reflection indeed, very good questions you let stuck in our minds to find that answer that at the same time will lead us to act in pursuit of what we are looking for.
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December 29th, 2011 - 2:38 pm
I loved the way you presented the concept.Getting off the merry-go-round is not an option for me.Like every year I would love to deal with the elephant, the kangaroo, and the lion this year too.Will try my best to think positive and do the right.Just logged in to Facebook and saw your post on We The Bloggers group.I wish a Happy new Year to you and your readers.
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December 29th, 2011 - 4:03 pm
I told a friend of mine who complains every single day about her life to “get off the hamster wheel!”
I’m sending this post to her. Thanks Linda
And for me, I’ll try not to take a long ride on the merry go round.
Wishing you all the best and a happy new year.
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December 29th, 2011 - 4:25 pm
What a wonderful and thought-provoking post!!!!
The comic asking if you would rather be right or happy really struck a chord with me – I’m so sending this to a lady I work with – we are constantly discussing the mythological idea of happiness and why it’s possible to be unhappy when you don’t have a “reason” to be unhappy – maybe it’s because we’re on the wrong freaking carousel! Maybe it’s time to get on a roller coaster or a nice calm ferris wheel – maybe it’s time to realize that we CAN get off the carousel if we are tired of being stuck between the kangaroo and the lion!
MAYBE I should read your post again and then send it to everyone I know! Thanks for the good thoughts right before the new year!
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December 29th, 2011 - 8:53 pm
Hi, Brenda! –
Seems we all have ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ on our mind this week, even if we don’t really believe in making them — haha!
Thank you for visiting and sharing your kind words!
Happy New Year — See ya on the other side ;-x
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December 29th, 2011 - 9:09 pm
Hi, Jan! –
Gratitude is always great strategy for attracting more good, right? Besides, it just FEELS GOOD!
I wonder if I could nudge you to open your mind to the possibility that you may have more control over what happens than your realize? Could you, would you ever entertain such a radical idea? Something to play with if you’re feeling brave and radical …
Otherwise, you’re right, at least you can control how you react and that’s better than nothing…
PS I admire you for putting your marriage first — I think that’s necessary if you want a marriage that works
Thank you for joining the conversation — your point of view adds so much!
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December 30th, 2011 - 3:00 am
What a very truthful and thought-provoking post.
“For example, we all know people who constantly talk about how ‘unfair’ life is because of their socio-economic status, race, gender or whatever.” – you really can’t imagine how much I agree with the said sentence.
I think I’m getting to know you too well, lql. Totally getting the situation with the elephant, kangaroo and lion.
As for the comic’s question; I guess I’d rather be right than happy. I always go the “right” way, as in correct by my moral ethics.
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December 30th, 2011 - 7:10 am
Glad I got off the merry-go-round a few years ago, Linda. And it’s amazing how once you do that you keep attracting the ‘right’ kind of people and situations …But that’s not to say that sometimes I get tempted to get back on and encounter the ‘animals’ …..Once again, you inspire me to look within and rewrite some of my own perceptions…
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December 30th, 2011 - 7:26 am
I loved Mary Hudak’s comment and I too am like her in thinking. The fear and pressure keeps me motivated and on my toes. Happy New Year to you and your family.
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December 30th, 2011 - 10:14 am
Linda, Oh how I love this post. Can’t say I recognized the ‘old drinking joke’ but I do so love the analogy. This too is my continuing goal in the new year. Breaking out of old limiting perceptions and world views, especially as they relate to myself and my abilities. How we limit ourselves, our experiences and our successes. I believe that God created us to fly, to soar but we let our fears, lack of confidence and rigid view of life opportunities to restrain us. Keep on developing that unlimited potential!
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December 31st, 2011 - 7:27 am
@Miss Lego: Thank you for your kind words! I appreciate your visit — Please come back soon!
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December 31st, 2011 - 7:31 am
Hi, Abhisek! —
I am intrigued by your comment. Wonder why you say, “Getting off the merry-go-round is not an option for me”???
I’m pretty sure it’s an option for anyone and everyone, but I’m interested in learning your perspective…
Happy New Year to YOU! Thank you for visiting
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December 31st, 2011 - 7:53 am
Hi, Luchi! –
I guess everybody has at least one of ‘those friends’, right? Thank you for sharing my post, but I wonder if I’m preaching to the choir — haha! In other words, possibly the people who most need to make the perspective shift will be the least likely to read this or take the message to heart.
Well, all we can do is put it out there. It’s each individual’s choice what they want to do with the information!
Thank you for visiting and sharing your positive outlook!
Looking forward to more fun in the New Year, Luchi Smiles XO
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December 31st, 2011 - 10:19 am
Happy New Year Linda!!! I know so many people who walk around blaming everyone else for why they are unhappy. They hate their jobs, their families make them crazy, and they think that everything can be cured with a trip to the doctor and a prescription.
Life is what YOU make of it. I prefer to be happy.
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December 31st, 2011 - 2:28 pm
Loved this post! For some reason I just saw it..so my comment is a little late…You’re right…a new perspective is much more beneficial and productive than any new year resolution. A new perspective can be truly transforming to one’s life…while most resolutions fall by the wayside throughout the year.
Great post. I hope you have a very happy new year full of peace, joy and health.
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January 1st, 2012 - 6:13 am
Hi, Erin! ~
Getting pretty exciting now, right? haha!
It’s New Year’s Day morning and I’m wondering what ride you’ll choose next???
Thank you for being so charming and delightful!
HAPPY 2012!!! XO
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January 1st, 2012 - 6:26 am
Hi, John! –
Thank you for visiting and pushing the conversation to a deeper level …
I’m intrigued by this: ‘As for the comic’s question; I guess I’d rather be right than happy. I always go the “right” way, as in correct by my moral ethics.’
Pretty sure everybody feels this way about their choices, but then we all have a different interpretation of what’s ‘right’, right?
So, if we assume that we’re going to do what we think is right, then why not also be happy about it? Unless, we’ve convinced ourselves of some martyr scenario to play out?
Hope you stop back — I’m interested in your thoughts on this
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January 1st, 2012 - 6:36 am
Hi, Corinne! –
I know what you mean about ‘temptation’ — hah!
Sometimes my brain gets tired or stressed and then I’m right back there on the merry-go-round, too! But, it doesn’t last very long because I know the illusion is not real
That’s where those ‘right’ people come in handy, too! For a reality check, right?
Thank you for being one of those people for me! XO
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January 1st, 2012 - 6:57 am
The merry go round ride is inevitable a bit like death and taxes but who says you have to ride it the same way that everyone else does? maybe a different perspective could come from being able to see what it is without having to remove yourself completely. I appreciate for some it’s easy to get off of it but for others it’s their emotional blanket and without help will they ever take the plunge to move into a different direction, so being right will always take priority over being happy?
I’d always prefer to be happy if I’m not or haven’t been this year it’s not because I chose to be right, it’s because there were some very sad and unfortunately devastating circumstances that happened – that doesn’t make me right it makes me very unfortunate, so not everything will be as black and white as it can seem. Maybe for those that want to stay and ride a bit longer with a bit of coaching they’ll be riding it backwards and then they can move onto handstands before somersaulting off Always a great read. Happy New Year Dear Linda x
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January 1st, 2012 - 7:09 am
@Sulekha: Thank you for sharing your perspective! Happy New Year!! XO
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January 1st, 2012 - 7:12 am
Hi, Lynne! ~
Thank you for sharing your inspiring words!
Happy New Year — Wishing you blessings of true prosperity and happiness in 2012!!
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January 1st, 2012 - 7:13 am
Hi, Donna! ~
So be it! happy, HaPpY, HAPPY NEW YEAR, Sister Girl!!! XOXOXOX
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January 1st, 2012 - 7:15 am
Hi, Jessica! –
Our posts were kind of synchronized again this week, right? ‘Everything is Holy Now’
Thank you for visiting and joining the conversation! I appreciate your sharing!
Happy New Year! XO
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January 1st, 2012 - 7:32 am
Hi, SJ! ~
I thought you were going back to bed — haha!
Must disagree with you that the merry-go-round is inevitable…although, certainly, it’s a legitimate choice for those who enjoy it! My point is not to dis the carousel, but rather to introduce the element of perspective and choice. As you say, choosing to ride it differently is also an option
It’s not my job to judge your past year. As I said in the post, ‘I’m not here to tell you who’s right or wrong in this debate, but I can tell you whose experience I would prefer to have.’
So, we agree to disagree about whether we as individuals can (or even should?) choose to be happy in spite of ‘very sad and unfortunately devastating circumstances’.
I have been through what some people would call very sad and devastating experiences, even in the past year — I consider myself fortunate for every experience I’ve ever had. That is my choice. It’s a perspective which will help some people, like me, live happier and more fulfilling lives if they open their minds to it.
Thank you for visiting and sharing so passionately! XOXOX
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January 1st, 2012 - 8:09 am
Hi Linda!
Very correct. We can totally be happy with our “right” choice. However there are times when we can feel guilty about it later on – like, when our choice is harming/hurting someone else.
I guess that’s all.
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January 1st, 2012 - 9:49 am
Donavan said it in his song 30 years ago.
“Happiness runs in a circular motion. you can be anything if you let yourself be!”
There is more but I can’t remembmer it at the moment!
many blessings,
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January 1st, 2012 - 11:07 am
Hi Linda, thank you so much for this post. So true and inspiring .. I LOVE my life!! I do have millions of things I want to try, change or make better .. but I don’t focus on them as something negative, but something challenging .. Some things are harder to change or improve (but not imposible), and I believe we are the only one who can do this, one self. Sometimes it is good to be reminded of this and that is why it is so important to have posts like yours Thank YOu!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU!! xX
One of my millions of New Year’s resolutions – Live in the now, and enjoy I am alive
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January 1st, 2012 - 7:22 pm
Hi, Norma! ~
Perfect … for YOU: http://youtu.be/nrpTvyA5E6Q
love, love, love! XOXO
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January 1st, 2012 - 7:28 pm
Hi, Amanda! ~
From the reading I’ve done on your website, it looks like you have an amazing love-partner and supportive family and friends. I’m not surprised because that’s what I would expect someone so positive to create and attract into her life! And your gratitude only magnifies these aspects more!
Your joy and love of life comes through in your photos and writing — keep up the GREAT work in 2012!
Thank you for sharing your wonderful self here — Please come back soon!
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January 2nd, 2012 - 10:59 pm
Okay, just so you know, I’m more inspired today than I was yesterday, because I came here and read this. And yes, I’d rather be happy than right. I tell this to my daughter, who has lately found herself in one round after another with a boyfriend who’s convinced he’s right on a certain controversial subject. When she comes to me lamenting his pigheadedness, I tell her to tell him, “You may be right, but I have my peace.”
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January 2nd, 2012 - 11:34 pm
Hi, Debra! –
Your daughter’s boyfriend story reminds me of this…
I had dinner with my son a couple nights ago and I told him this about relationships: I don’t love Mr. C more than I loved my previous sweethearts, but he’s just so EASY to love! I’m so happy! Nobody ever told me that was a choice before!!!
That was a huge change of perspective for me, personally, to realize men don’t have to be jerks or assholes. I really thought they were before! I learned to love them unconditionally, but I didn’t like them and they made me miserable!
Now I realize those were jerks and jerks are not synonymous with men. I figured that out by giving birth to and raising young men who didn’t turn out to be jerks, which made me suspicious of the whole proposition ….
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January 3rd, 2012 - 4:14 am
That is a wonderful post! It is the perspective and expectations that determines the joy or anger one has in every experience. If you’re not happy adjust one or both, like tuning an old radio, until happiness, or whatever your feeling of choice comes forth. It may not be easy to hear as advice, but it’s no less true.
As to your love with Mr. C, I couldn’t be happier and understand more thoroughly. Like an old radio, sometimes, someone comes and bumps the tuning knob and turns up the volume and the only thing you can do is get up with a goofy grin and dance…
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January 3rd, 2012 - 11:17 am
Hi, Christian! ~
Love your ‘tuning an old radio’ metaphor! Exactly right!
The point you make about this advice being a little ‘hard to hear’ is intriguing. The up-side of this way of life is that one always gets to be in charge of one’s own feelings, nobody can ever make us feel bad again! The down-side is that we can never blame anyone else for our feelings again, either. For some people that’s too high a price to pay, I guess.
I have witnessed you living the Truth of this through what some would refer to as truly ‘desperate’ times. Especially at the ‘family reunion’ last August outside your place. I love who you are, and I wonder if I would have discovered that sooner if I wasn’t expecting all men to be jerks!
Turn up the volume, Bro! XOXOX
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January 3rd, 2012 - 10:36 pm
“…Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction.” LOVE that, Linda! Great post for the New Year.
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January 4th, 2012 - 2:10 pm
Haha. I love your opening question! Although, I thought the answer was to do a back flip onto the lion…
I’m working on getting more organized this year… but I know that is too broad of a resolution. Specifically, I have to clear out some clutter and/or do a little cleaning every day. I wouldn’t mind proving to myself that the words starving and artist don’t go together now that you mention it, but I didn’t specifically make that a goal.
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas & New Year’s!
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January 17th, 2012 - 3:56 am
OK So I finally come back, thank you for reminding me
I think I can only say to your response that our view of the ‘interpretation’ of the carousel is different then, for me it’s a part of life and therefore inevitable. No one is going to go through life without coming to that point where they feel like they are going round in circles, chasing the dream, without being able to overcome the hurdles or just plain stuck in a rut – that’s the carousel. If it’s not inevitable then you’ve lived a very charmed life.
That’s the way I read your post so I misunderstood your point but I’m not so sure that I still understand it either.
I’m a pretty optimistic person, generally happy and thankful for the things I am and that I have but reading into your post and your response I can never be thankful or happy that I lost my baby last year, nothing in the world will ever make me feel fortunate that that happened, that’s not because I’m stuck on the carousel, it’s because I’m human. I did not learn anything from it, it did not make me a more compassionate, stronger or better person for it. It was a sad and unfortunate event in my life, one that I accepted as just part of life but is still very raw, more raw than I realised as your response actually made me cry.
I’m more likely to live a happier fuller life by accepting that somethings are not within my control, there’s a natural course for all things and this time was not right – that enables me to live a happier fuller life in this circumstance not as you would say by considering myself fortunate. Sometimes you have to open yourself up to those possiblities instead of deluding yourself that you gained something from them. I totally respect your views on this but on this one we are definitely miles apart and we just should agree to disagree x
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January 17th, 2012 - 7:30 pm
Dear SJ,
Thank you for sharing yourself so authentically. It was certainly not my intention to make you cry, Love! XOXOX
I’m intrigued by your statement, “If it’s not inevitable then you’ve lived a very charmed life,” because I received a private e-mail from another friend today which began, “You seem to live a charmed life where everything you touch turns to gold.” Interesting coincidence, if one believes in coincidence, which, of course, I don’t.
As we’ve already discussed, I also lost a baby through miscarriage. That doesn’t mean we had the same experience, but it does mean I’ve had, at least, a somewhat similar experience. I was really excited and happy when I found out I was pregnant with that child, which would have been my third and last. I was disappointed & scared when I started bleeding and miscarrying on a road-trip, more than 1000 miles from home, with only my two school-age kids for company. I’m not going into the gory details, but suffice to say, it wasn’t what most people would consider a party or a picnic.
My mother-in-law said to me the next day, “Linda, I know you’re disappointed but it was probably a blessing in disguise.”
I thought, “What a bitch!”
I’m not going to tell you that you should consider your miscarriage a blessing. You get to decide what it is for you. But, I am going to tell you that I do believe my miscarriage was a blessing now looking back on it. Which doesn’t change the fact that my mother-in-law was a bitch — haha!
I will also go on record saying that ‘worse’ things than my miscarriage have happened to me in my life, even in the past year. A couple of them knocked the wind out of me physically, shook my belief system to the core, and changed my life in almost inconceivable ways forever. I consider every one of them a blessing, and I did even in the midst of my extreme discomfort. So, if I live a charmed life, it’s because I choose that as my reality.
When I was in my twenties I read a Wayne Dyer book where he talked about this type of thing. He said, you think you’re devastated because your friend died. But, really your friend died over a week ago and you weren’t devastated until you found out. That proves that it wasn’t the actual circumstance, but rather your interpretation of that circumstance which caused your actual pain. When I read that it blew my mind and changed my whole outlook on life!
I love you and I bless you. I’m holding you in my heart as you work through your pain, Dear One. I know you are dealing with your circumstances in your own way that’s perfect for you.
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